Log in

No account? Create an account


« previous entry | next entry »
Apr. 4th, 2011 | 05:56 pm

I think I have found a link between my depression fits and being bored.
Yesterday, although I was a little off, and out of it, I was generally happy and well.  Today I woke up and was fine as I was helping Crystal get ready for work and getting her out the door.  It was early, so I went back to bed.  Now the rest of my day I have spent doing absolutely nothing, and that is because I have nothing to do.  I could walk around Portland and get myself lost, or do homework, or something like that, but I feel that I do not want to move. I feel sluggish.  I have a week off, and all I want to do is crawl into a cave and wait it out.  I don't want time off, because I feel useless and alone.  I have roommates, but they work all day.  I have friends but they are far away and I seldom see anyone these days.  I want to go to work, I feel I belong when working.  It gives me something to do.
I also think my depression is due to the fact that I have gotten my period the past 4 months, and so far the docs i've seen either think it's nothing to be concerned about, or they don't know what is wrong because my blood tests keep coming back normal.  I am having a really hard time injecting myself, and I've been advised to not take it while on my period (because my hormone levels will go crazy.)  i also just lost health insurance, and am at a loss of what to do, although outside in and OHP seem to be my best options.
On the positive side, I do have Dragon boat 6 days this week, If i go to them all....I want to skip fusion's practice because I hate the coach, but I will go because DB gives me a sense of peace, and i could use the work out.
I just feel so stuck and alone, and I hate the feeling.  Without work I feel like i have no purpose, and without purpose, i have no motive to even get out of bed (although I have a few times today).  I also don't eat right at all when depressed, and that is definitely something I have been having to watch lately.

Link | Leave a comment |

Comments {0}