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6 letter word update....

May. 1st, 2011 | 08:02 pm

Okay, so my newest doctors appointment is with Dr. Becker on the 12th.  I'm super nervous, because I may end up getting my cancer testing done, but also because this is going to be the first doctor that I won't have to explain trans issues to in order for them to treat me.  She is a trans specialist, and it'll be odd having a doctor know more about me and my needs than I do.
Dragonboat races were yesterday and we beat my old teams, but we didn't make finals. Got a medal though, and a free dryfit tshirt, which was awesome!

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update on previous post...

Apr. 23rd, 2011 | 10:06 am
location: United States, Oregon, Milwaukie
mood: distresseddistressed

So, after I finished posting,  I was doing research, and my boss walked behind me, and was asking me all sorts of questions, so I ended up telling her.  She's been my boss and one of my best friends for about three years, and she has never steered me wrong.  She heard the news, and went to lay down in her room for about three hours...oops.  The anniversary of her partner dying is in may too, which kind of makes this bad timing.  She did talk to me about telling Crystal though, and ended up giving me a pretty darn good argument, so I called Crystal and told her.  I also told my best buddy at work, who I love to death, and he is super supportive, he even found me a doctor who I can see tomorrow at 1pm.  It sounds like I'm going to be getting a biopsy of my uterus, and see what is going on, and I might also get an ultrasound, to see how thick the lining is, which I guess can tell them if i have cancer or not.  Crystal ended up telling two of her coworkers, but one of them I have known for a few years and is a good friend of mine, so I'm not that upset about it, and I know she has to process her way too, but I kinda hate that she told a coworker of hers that i've never had a conversation with or even met for more than a few minutes before Crystal even met her.
So, tomorrow I go to planned parenthood and get everything checked out. The receptionist was super cool, but I'm super nervous about going.  I am really worried that the tests will come back positive and i'll find out while im at work.
I have dragonboat in a half hour, but  I don't know if we are going. it's one of the few things that makes me relax but crystal doesn't want to go, she just wants to skip, even though we have races in Olympia next week.

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depression?

Apr. 4th, 2011 | 05:56 pm

I think I have found a link between my depression fits and being bored.
Yesterday, although I was a little off, and out of it, I was generally happy and well.  Today I woke up and was fine as I was helping Crystal get ready for work and getting her out the door.  It was early, so I went back to bed.  Now the rest of my day I have spent doing absolutely nothing, and that is because I have nothing to do.  I could walk around Portland and get myself lost, or do homework, or something like that, but I feel that I do not want to move. I feel sluggish.  I have a week off, and all I want to do is crawl into a cave and wait it out.  I don't want time off, because I feel useless and alone.  I have roommates, but they work all day.  I have friends but they are far away and I seldom see anyone these days.  I want to go to work, I feel I belong when working.  It gives me something to do.
I also think my depression is due to the fact that I have gotten my period the past 4 months, and so far the docs i've seen either think it's nothing to be concerned about, or they don't know what is wrong because my blood tests keep coming back normal.  I am having a really hard time injecting myself, and I've been advised to not take it while on my period (because my hormone levels will go crazy.)  i also just lost health insurance, and am at a loss of what to do, although outside in and OHP seem to be my best options.
On the positive side, I do have Dragon boat 6 days this week, If i go to them all....I want to skip fusion's practice because I hate the coach, but I will go because DB gives me a sense of peace, and i could use the work out.
I just feel so stuck and alone, and I hate the feeling.  Without work I feel like i have no purpose, and without purpose, i have no motive to even get out of bed (although I have a few times today).  I also don't eat right at all when depressed, and that is definitely something I have been having to watch lately.

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I want to use LJ more often

Feb. 16th, 2011 | 03:22 pm

So Today I turned 23, which to me isn't a huge deal, but to some it's monumental.  Anyway, because I view today as any other, I wanted to do my normal things. I looked up therapists, doctors, school things, the usual.  I did find out that Dr. Becker (medical doctor not surgeon) not only practices in the city I live in (Milwaukie, which is pretty much Portland), but she is able to do my FAA Aviation Medical Class II certificate, but she works with trans patients.  I"m looking for a new doctor, that actually cares for me, because the doc I have now, is just not cool with my trans needs. She is open to it, but not willing to learn about it, and doesn't like when I input what I know.

Also, I need to take my blood tests again, I fought with my doctor to order them, and I haven't been able to go in yet. I suppose I could go in now, but honestly, who wants blood tests on their birthday, and on top of that, if I get blood drawn I can't drink tonight, because I'll be too weak...that sucks.  So, maybe tomorrow morning!

Life is odd, so many things going on.  Hope to post more often, so will be back on.
PS now my major is Aviation.  I know I keep changing it, but I am partnering with PCC and Embry Riddle, and could be a professional pilot in as little as two years.  Could have my bachelors in Professional Aviation in as little as 2.5 years.  Worth it.  I will be a flight instructor in as little as 1.5 years.  Pretty much, I feel good about this change, I could make bank, and if I decide I want to get another degree once I have my debt paid off, then I will go back to school.  As of now though, it looks promising and I am very excited.

Also, I'm having a really rough time with meds. I haven't taken a shot since my two year anniversary, which was 3 weeks ago due to pain when i inject. My doc (the one who doesn't care much), says that I should find different locations. I can't shoot in my ass because it makes me nervous because I can't see it. My doc says that I may have a lot of scar tissue in my thighs, and that I should increase my medication to 200mg a week, which I think is too much, because I had my period a few weeks ago.

Any thoughts out there?

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summer

Jun. 18th, 2008 | 01:10 pm

I'm at my mom's house now.  Been here almost a week, and it's pretty boring...although can't say finals in Corvallis were very riviting.  Linnaea left for camp today so I won't see her for a week when I go to camp.

The 27th is coming up soon...which is good because then my name is finished at the courthouse, it just means i have to do the other paperwork...eh, if I can get my four weeks done I can get this done right!

Update on Gender, other than my name...I think I mastered the spoon...but won't be sure until I can do it for another two weeks without a mishap...they suck a lot!

Going to Corvallis for the 27th, then up to WA the same night....fun stuff.  I'm mostly just bored because of the lack of stimulus at this house, plus we have a slow computer, which gets frustrating, especially when researching!

Oh I might be starting an outreach for Teenagers in High Schools.  When I was in HS we had Bridge 13 come in, but we never had anytype of real talk about sexual and gender continuums and I Think that it would have been helpful in high school. If I can get a principal to agree to let me go to classrooms, then that would be awesome.  I think I"m going to start T in July/August...since I need money first, but assuming I get letters it will be ok and it will work.  Well, I think it is a good Idea and I have the support from Portia (a teacher from HS).  It's still in the very pre-planning stages but I"m working on getting ahold of Corvallis High.

Ryan 

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(no subject)

May. 21st, 2008 | 02:55 pm

 So my goals are as follows in order of timeline, not the original list i wrote...but timeline it is....:

Spoon- by end of week (friday night)
Master Spoon- by June 6th, 2008
Name Change-Papers by end of school year ****I'm filling them out Friday****
Therapy/letter APPOINTMENT made- by end of school year
Get Licence- end of summer 2008 (if possible)
Pick Top Surgeon- by mid next year
Get Licence changed to M- by end of next school year
Top surgery- by graduation
Bottom Surgery- within 7 years (if i decide yes i want to do that)

This is my list with goals...I hope it all goes according to plan, but it probably won't and that is ok...

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Yesterday

Apr. 21st, 2008 | 05:04 pm

Yesterday was my first transguyz meeting. I went with some friends of mine that I really trust and are comfortable with, but I was still nervous.  After a long drive (or a few long drives) we ended up at dinner, which was fun, joking around about Broccoli, and hiding desserts... then on to the meeting.  We split up into little groups where I felt better, and then into a larger group.  In the small group I felt more comfortable talking, and having a buddy next to me that I knew was helpful, even if it was just that silent support.

Once back in the big group I didn't talk much, but was working on acclimating myself into the space and the group.  I got to drive back with some buddies and I ended up having a good conversation with the person who was giving me a ride.  I felt happy.  I didn't make it to my 6am class though....oh well.

Ryan

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